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“— Shattered But Not BrokenBarriers to Healing
It is often difficult for adult survivors to seek help. The following are some of the most common barriers to getting help that they face:
- Denial that childhood abuse is a problem. Many adult survivors have difficulty connecting their current life situation with earlier childhood abuse. This denial can take many forms: rationalizing, minimizing, intellectualizing, focusing of the problems and shortcomings of others, hoping the problems will take care of itself, feelings that they can take care of their problems on their own.
- The belief that things can never get better, there is no hope. Fear that they will be consumed by the intensity of their feelings if they begin to deal with the abuse. They often fear the feelings will engulf them or that they will explode if they lose control. Fear and shame about sharing family secrets. Survivors often fear that to get help is to betray and hurt their families, or that they will be punished for exposing family secrets.
- Fear that they will not be believed because they may not be able to remember the details of their abuse.
- Inability to blame their parents or other adults for the abuse. We are taught to love and honor our parents and to be respectful of other adults.
- Fear of taking responsibility for looking at oneself and one’s behavior. It can be much easier for the survivor to continue to blame others for the maladaptive ways that she/he is dealing with the abuse.
- Fear that there will be nothing left in the advanced stages of healing. This fear is sometimes overwhelming. As survivors strip away all the old negative beliefs that have been the burdensome but familiar foundation for their lives, they begin to feel that everything they’ve ever known is shifting and nothing is certain or sure.
While these barriers are strong ones, they can be overcome. Consistent, patient, and caring effort is needed by both the survivor and those who are aiding in this healing process. While it is difficult and often painful to work towards recovery from childhood abuse, healing is possible when survivors have access to a support network that can provide them with nurturance, assistance, and appropriate levels of care.
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